Retreat -> Renew

I think that my underlying stress and unrest has been a sign for me that I still have a long way to grow closer still to God. It is time to truly discern God's calling for me and ACT on it!

This week begins a sort of personal retreat for me. Matthew is so amazing because he supports me 100% in this attempt for me to work less hours at Caribou for the next few weeks, mainly during the remainder of rehearsal and then the run of Kingdom Undone, to help me find more personal time for reflection and redirection. I've been stressing myself out about a whole lot of nothing for way too long, and it's time that I make my health (both physical and mental) more of a priority in my life, and that I learn balance. For example, I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't exercised in 2013 yet! And I never have consistent sleep patterns, but it's not just because of starting work at insanely early hours, but also giving my lifeblood to volunteer efforts at the Basilica, and acting and auditioning and everything else before myself....

On Saturday I took notice during our rehearsal for Kingdom Undone of the crowd scene when Jesus heals the sick because I am the sole ensemble character who doesn't quite get the chance to be fully healed by Jesus because the city officials come and put an end to what they perceive as blasphemy and public disturbance... I think this tiny moment of "almost healed" is reflective of my own attitude toward my life and how much pressure I am constantly piling on myself. And so I am praying that this period of restoration, my personal semi-retreat of sorts, will be a process of renewal for me and that God will revive my energy and help me to let go of my habit of storing up stress so that I may find deep rest. I pray that Easter will bring new life for me and that I will close the door on my old lifestyle habits as the show closes for the year.

I'm so fortunate for the opportunity in March to spend more time on me, clearing away a lot of the old cobwebs creeping up in the corners of my life, and stripping away the layers that wear on me and leaving behind the extra baggage that I carry, and to learn to redirect my habits and take better care of myself longterm... These next few weeks are going to be so important for my personal growth, in practicing balance and healthy habits, and taking time to slow down and pray and discern the paths God is calling me to pave for my life!