Anointed

"You love justice and hate evil. Therefore God, your God, has anointed you, pouring out the oil of joy on you more than on anyone else." ~ Psalm 45:7

Last night I was overjoyed and deeply moved to be anointed by my husband in a sacramental gesture at the closing of our church's Leadership Series for volunteers! The series has been so rich and formative for my faith journey and seemed to come at the exact right time in my life. God's timing is so divine! Through my experience, I have grown even deeper in my faith, in my connection to my church with such a dynamic community of parishioners, and in answering God's unique call for me to fulfill my role in my church as a devoted disciple of Christ. And it was incredibly special to be able to go through this Leadership Series with a few of my friends and most especially my better half, Matthew! It was such a meaningful way to close the series with a sacramental anointing to each other with chrism oil and the words

"Remember that we are children of God and we are called to serve one another."

It was especially meaningful for Matthew to anoint me because he always brings me closer to God. He is such a Godly man and he is always teaching me about being a true follower of God through his actions, his patience and kindness, and his strength.

One way to define the act of anointing is "dedicating to the service of God". I am so blessed by God and eager to keep growing in my faith, my personal life, and my volunteer leadership involvement from the knowledge and experiences I gained during The Basilica's Leadership Series. Here goes! I'm diving even deeper into how I can live my life in service to God and His children by exploring some new ministries in, as well as outside of, my church!

Restlessness

God has blessed me with an abundance of interests and talents, but I am praying for His help with discernment. I often get distracted by all the options and lose sight of which need to take priority, or which will do the most good, for myself and others.

Yesterday I read a Lent Reflection passage by Henri J.M. Nouwen titled "Those Between Wants Will Be Restless." I think in some ways this simple statement sums up the way I live. He went on to say "Sometimes we behave like children in a toy shop. We want this, and that, and then something else. The many options confuse us and create in us an enormous restlessness. When someone says, "Well, what do you want? You can have one thing. Make up your mind," we do not know what to choose... As long as our hearts keep vacillating among these many wants, we cannot move forward in life with inner peace and joy. That is why we need inner and outer disciplines, to get beyond these wants and discover our mission in life."

I've recognized this struggle of mine for over a year now, and it's a constant daily struggle. I think I've been on the right track to put my trust in God and listen for Him to answer my life. But I think a few things happened in the past year where I was getting ahead of myself, where I tried to answer every call I thought I heard and overwhelmed myself. Yesterday's passage repeated a lot of what I've been reading in Matthew Kelly's books, and discovering for myself, that is to practice those pivotal inner and outer disciplines and strengthen my own mental and physical health before I can take the next steps fully, which is exactly what I'm doing this month. It's a slow, forward and back process, but I am experiencing small, yet critical, changes in my outlook on my personal time management, approaching chores and errands, and learning how to accomplish one thing at a time and pace myself, to balance work and play and slowly weed out my habit of procrastination. Obviously life continues to happen, I'm in the play and I am still working a few shifts at Caribou Coffee a week, plus auditioning, volunteering and having a social life, but having the extra hours at home during the week has definitely opened the opportunity for me to get better organized and find both physical rest and peace of mind so I can more successfully approach things like exercising and preparing for auditions and accomplishing tasks and errands ahead of time instead of last minute. It is making the world of difference for me and I am grateful every minute of every day because my husband is so patient and supportive of me taking this time for personal growth and reflection. I'm excited for the changes in me and what direction God is taking me in!

Retreat -> Renew

I think that my underlying stress and unrest has been a sign for me that I still have a long way to grow closer still to God. It is time to truly discern God's calling for me and ACT on it!

This week begins a sort of personal retreat for me. Matthew is so amazing because he supports me 100% in this attempt for me to work less hours at Caribou for the next few weeks, mainly during the remainder of rehearsal and then the run of Kingdom Undone, to help me find more personal time for reflection and redirection. I've been stressing myself out about a whole lot of nothing for way too long, and it's time that I make my health (both physical and mental) more of a priority in my life, and that I learn balance. For example, I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't exercised in 2013 yet! And I never have consistent sleep patterns, but it's not just because of starting work at insanely early hours, but also giving my lifeblood to volunteer efforts at the Basilica, and acting and auditioning and everything else before myself....

On Saturday I took notice during our rehearsal for Kingdom Undone of the crowd scene when Jesus heals the sick because I am the sole ensemble character who doesn't quite get the chance to be fully healed by Jesus because the city officials come and put an end to what they perceive as blasphemy and public disturbance... I think this tiny moment of "almost healed" is reflective of my own attitude toward my life and how much pressure I am constantly piling on myself. And so I am praying that this period of restoration, my personal semi-retreat of sorts, will be a process of renewal for me and that God will revive my energy and help me to let go of my habit of storing up stress so that I may find deep rest. I pray that Easter will bring new life for me and that I will close the door on my old lifestyle habits as the show closes for the year.

I'm so fortunate for the opportunity in March to spend more time on me, clearing away a lot of the old cobwebs creeping up in the corners of my life, and stripping away the layers that wear on me and leaving behind the extra baggage that I carry, and to learn to redirect my habits and take better care of myself longterm... These next few weeks are going to be so important for my personal growth, in practicing balance and healthy habits, and taking time to slow down and pray and discern the paths God is calling me to pave for my life!

Ash Wednesday

Well if I could only remember one lesson from last Wednesday, it would be that I can't trust my emotions. Emotions are ever changing and untrustworthy and I must place all my trust in God's ways.

Last Wednesday I had an experience that I'm not proud of. I jumped to conclusions quickly and was defensive and misread the intentions of a friend today... I've been deeply hurt and betrayed by friends in the past, and so I have a bit of a complex where I sometimes assume the worst...

The day was really quite a roller coaster. I went to Ash Wednesday service at the Basilica and was reminded how blessed I am to have such an incredible community at my parish. It feels so much like home when I recognize friendly faces in the pews, several parish friends at the community soup supper after Mass, and even distant acquaintances on my way out of the church. From the first moment I'm walking through those grand front doors, to last moment I'm heading to my car to go home, I'm surrounded by excited, supportive, committed and sincere friends from my parish of all ages and all walks of life. It's truly inspiring!

Then rehearsal for Kingdom Undone was thrilling! It's uncommon for Catholics to dance and jump around on Ash Wednesday, especially as the only one in the room with ashes remaining on their forehead, but I am feeling surprisingly happy and hopeful on this day that reminds us that we cannot escape death and that one day we will return to ashes and dust.

I was left, at the end of the day, with the thought that we are to rejoice and be glad in the present, and to trust in God's promise for us. TODAY is the day that the Lord has made! Let us live it to the fullest!

I am so excited for this Lent and to be growing closer to Jesus and learning more about His teachings and follow His way instead of my own, often negative and inconsistent ways. I am eagerly growing in praise through rehearsals for Kingdom Undone, a Passion play, and growing in prayer through reading the Gospels. This will be an intense Lent for me and I pray that Jesus continue leading me in my faith journey for His greater glory.

Restore

I was GIFTED with an awesome rehearsal tonight! I'm so blessed to be in a Passion play during this season of Lent. I'm in the ensemble in Kingdom Undone with Theatre For The Thirsty, and I basically get to pray and reflect as I rehearse for hours a night, 6 days a week, singing, dancing, acting, getting paid and making friends in the theatre?! God's plan is incredible!

Tonight during rehearsal, I became especially sensitive to a bridge in one of the songs where we sing these lyrics: "Come replant, restore, restart, reform, renew, refine, retell, remind, redeem, reclaim, refresh, reshape, revive, rebuild, requite, rewrite." The design of these lyrics reminded me of "Rediscover Catholicism" that I'm currently reading by Matthew Kelly. I've also been listening to a few of his recordings (he's an excellent speaker!) and he calls/encourages/challenges Catholics to be bold, dynamic, authentic, zealous even, in their faith and to dig deeper into the richness and the genius of God's bride, the Church.
... And during rehearsal, as we were repeating the lyrics to solidify the notes, a notion entered into my head that in some ways the lessons in "Rediscover Catholicism" have the potential to mirror Jesus' change in humanity and in history!

There are over 1.2 BILLION Catholics in the world today. It's striking, no, AWE-inspiring, wait, BREATHTAKING to imagine what amazing work we could allow God to do through us. What if we awaken this sleeping giant in our society and follow the examples of the apostles and the disciples of the early church and the saints throughout to become rebels (in the way Jesus was a rebel) and reject the ways of our modern, hedonistic culture?

I pray that we may open our hearts and minds to how Jesus restored his people and to how He is working to restore our lives and the Catholic church today!