Anointed

"You love justice and hate evil. Therefore God, your God, has anointed you, pouring out the oil of joy on you more than on anyone else." ~ Psalm 45:7

Last night I was overjoyed and deeply moved to be anointed by my husband in a sacramental gesture at the closing of our church's Leadership Series for volunteers! The series has been so rich and formative for my faith journey and seemed to come at the exact right time in my life. God's timing is so divine! Through my experience, I have grown even deeper in my faith, in my connection to my church with such a dynamic community of parishioners, and in answering God's unique call for me to fulfill my role in my church as a devoted disciple of Christ. And it was incredibly special to be able to go through this Leadership Series with a few of my friends and most especially my better half, Matthew! It was such a meaningful way to close the series with a sacramental anointing to each other with chrism oil and the words

"Remember that we are children of God and we are called to serve one another."

It was especially meaningful for Matthew to anoint me because he always brings me closer to God. He is such a Godly man and he is always teaching me about being a true follower of God through his actions, his patience and kindness, and his strength.

One way to define the act of anointing is "dedicating to the service of God". I am so blessed by God and eager to keep growing in my faith, my personal life, and my volunteer leadership involvement from the knowledge and experiences I gained during The Basilica's Leadership Series. Here goes! I'm diving even deeper into how I can live my life in service to God and His children by exploring some new ministries in, as well as outside of, my church!

Restlessness

God has blessed me with an abundance of interests and talents, but I am praying for His help with discernment. I often get distracted by all the options and lose sight of which need to take priority, or which will do the most good, for myself and others.

Yesterday I read a Lent Reflection passage by Henri J.M. Nouwen titled "Those Between Wants Will Be Restless." I think in some ways this simple statement sums up the way I live. He went on to say "Sometimes we behave like children in a toy shop. We want this, and that, and then something else. The many options confuse us and create in us an enormous restlessness. When someone says, "Well, what do you want? You can have one thing. Make up your mind," we do not know what to choose... As long as our hearts keep vacillating among these many wants, we cannot move forward in life with inner peace and joy. That is why we need inner and outer disciplines, to get beyond these wants and discover our mission in life."

I've recognized this struggle of mine for over a year now, and it's a constant daily struggle. I think I've been on the right track to put my trust in God and listen for Him to answer my life. But I think a few things happened in the past year where I was getting ahead of myself, where I tried to answer every call I thought I heard and overwhelmed myself. Yesterday's passage repeated a lot of what I've been reading in Matthew Kelly's books, and discovering for myself, that is to practice those pivotal inner and outer disciplines and strengthen my own mental and physical health before I can take the next steps fully, which is exactly what I'm doing this month. It's a slow, forward and back process, but I am experiencing small, yet critical, changes in my outlook on my personal time management, approaching chores and errands, and learning how to accomplish one thing at a time and pace myself, to balance work and play and slowly weed out my habit of procrastination. Obviously life continues to happen, I'm in the play and I am still working a few shifts at Caribou Coffee a week, plus auditioning, volunteering and having a social life, but having the extra hours at home during the week has definitely opened the opportunity for me to get better organized and find both physical rest and peace of mind so I can more successfully approach things like exercising and preparing for auditions and accomplishing tasks and errands ahead of time instead of last minute. It is making the world of difference for me and I am grateful every minute of every day because my husband is so patient and supportive of me taking this time for personal growth and reflection. I'm excited for the changes in me and what direction God is taking me in!

Retreat -> Renew

I think that my underlying stress and unrest has been a sign for me that I still have a long way to grow closer still to God. It is time to truly discern God's calling for me and ACT on it!

This week begins a sort of personal retreat for me. Matthew is so amazing because he supports me 100% in this attempt for me to work less hours at Caribou for the next few weeks, mainly during the remainder of rehearsal and then the run of Kingdom Undone, to help me find more personal time for reflection and redirection. I've been stressing myself out about a whole lot of nothing for way too long, and it's time that I make my health (both physical and mental) more of a priority in my life, and that I learn balance. For example, I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't exercised in 2013 yet! And I never have consistent sleep patterns, but it's not just because of starting work at insanely early hours, but also giving my lifeblood to volunteer efforts at the Basilica, and acting and auditioning and everything else before myself....

On Saturday I took notice during our rehearsal for Kingdom Undone of the crowd scene when Jesus heals the sick because I am the sole ensemble character who doesn't quite get the chance to be fully healed by Jesus because the city officials come and put an end to what they perceive as blasphemy and public disturbance... I think this tiny moment of "almost healed" is reflective of my own attitude toward my life and how much pressure I am constantly piling on myself. And so I am praying that this period of restoration, my personal semi-retreat of sorts, will be a process of renewal for me and that God will revive my energy and help me to let go of my habit of storing up stress so that I may find deep rest. I pray that Easter will bring new life for me and that I will close the door on my old lifestyle habits as the show closes for the year.

I'm so fortunate for the opportunity in March to spend more time on me, clearing away a lot of the old cobwebs creeping up in the corners of my life, and stripping away the layers that wear on me and leaving behind the extra baggage that I carry, and to learn to redirect my habits and take better care of myself longterm... These next few weeks are going to be so important for my personal growth, in practicing balance and healthy habits, and taking time to slow down and pray and discern the paths God is calling me to pave for my life!

Ash Wednesday

Well if I could only remember one lesson from last Wednesday, it would be that I can't trust my emotions. Emotions are ever changing and untrustworthy and I must place all my trust in God's ways.

Last Wednesday I had an experience that I'm not proud of. I jumped to conclusions quickly and was defensive and misread the intentions of a friend today... I've been deeply hurt and betrayed by friends in the past, and so I have a bit of a complex where I sometimes assume the worst...

The day was really quite a roller coaster. I went to Ash Wednesday service at the Basilica and was reminded how blessed I am to have such an incredible community at my parish. It feels so much like home when I recognize friendly faces in the pews, several parish friends at the community soup supper after Mass, and even distant acquaintances on my way out of the church. From the first moment I'm walking through those grand front doors, to last moment I'm heading to my car to go home, I'm surrounded by excited, supportive, committed and sincere friends from my parish of all ages and all walks of life. It's truly inspiring!

Then rehearsal for Kingdom Undone was thrilling! It's uncommon for Catholics to dance and jump around on Ash Wednesday, especially as the only one in the room with ashes remaining on their forehead, but I am feeling surprisingly happy and hopeful on this day that reminds us that we cannot escape death and that one day we will return to ashes and dust.

I was left, at the end of the day, with the thought that we are to rejoice and be glad in the present, and to trust in God's promise for us. TODAY is the day that the Lord has made! Let us live it to the fullest!

I am so excited for this Lent and to be growing closer to Jesus and learning more about His teachings and follow His way instead of my own, often negative and inconsistent ways. I am eagerly growing in praise through rehearsals for Kingdom Undone, a Passion play, and growing in prayer through reading the Gospels. This will be an intense Lent for me and I pray that Jesus continue leading me in my faith journey for His greater glory.

Restore

I was GIFTED with an awesome rehearsal tonight! I'm so blessed to be in a Passion play during this season of Lent. I'm in the ensemble in Kingdom Undone with Theatre For The Thirsty, and I basically get to pray and reflect as I rehearse for hours a night, 6 days a week, singing, dancing, acting, getting paid and making friends in the theatre?! God's plan is incredible!

Tonight during rehearsal, I became especially sensitive to a bridge in one of the songs where we sing these lyrics: "Come replant, restore, restart, reform, renew, refine, retell, remind, redeem, reclaim, refresh, reshape, revive, rebuild, requite, rewrite." The design of these lyrics reminded me of "Rediscover Catholicism" that I'm currently reading by Matthew Kelly. I've also been listening to a few of his recordings (he's an excellent speaker!) and he calls/encourages/challenges Catholics to be bold, dynamic, authentic, zealous even, in their faith and to dig deeper into the richness and the genius of God's bride, the Church.
... And during rehearsal, as we were repeating the lyrics to solidify the notes, a notion entered into my head that in some ways the lessons in "Rediscover Catholicism" have the potential to mirror Jesus' change in humanity and in history!

There are over 1.2 BILLION Catholics in the world today. It's striking, no, AWE-inspiring, wait, BREATHTAKING to imagine what amazing work we could allow God to do through us. What if we awaken this sleeping giant in our society and follow the examples of the apostles and the disciples of the early church and the saints throughout to become rebels (in the way Jesus was a rebel) and reject the ways of our modern, hedonistic culture?

I pray that we may open our hearts and minds to how Jesus restored his people and to how He is working to restore our lives and the Catholic church today!

Acting on hold

Wow! It's been way too long since I've blogged. I am growing exponentially in my faith this year, which is why I changed my blog to be just about acting to how my faith is part of my acting. But I've been so busy with my new life here in MN and how much I've been blessed in my marriage and with my involvement at The Basilica, that I've only been in 2 plays for the past year! And I didn't blog about them yet either...
I've largely put acting on the back burner for a handful of months now, but the BYA has been flourishing all year and it continues to consume my time and my passion. I'm so excited to start a new blog with my women's group during this upcoming Advent season too!

I still plan to reflect on my theatre involvement in MN thus far, but I know that it is unlikely I'll get around to that as much as I'd like, so for now I'll post a brief synopsis.

I was incredibly blessed to make my debut in Minneapolis as Saint Joan of Arc in Theatre In The Round's production of The Lark! That experience was a milestone in both my acting career and even more importantly, my faith journey. It was meaningful beyond words, but I will reflect more on this experience for sure!

Then this fall I was in "Eurydice" with Walking Shadow Theatre Company. I had a great time as Little Stone, and I love the company. I have loved this script for years, and it was painful that I missed the general auditions and didn't get a shot at playing Eurydice, but I still hope to someday! She is on my dream roles list, or acting bucket list if you will. But I still was proud to work with the theatre, and enjoyed having a part in telling the story! And having the chance to experience the exquisite poetry of the script in detail, being part of the cast. Here's hoping I get a turn to say them someday!

I had auditioned and been called back for a few other key productions before and after both shows, including Frank Theatre's "Ajax In Iraq" last fall and Open Window Theatre's show "Jacob Marley's Christmas Carol" this fall. But part of being an actress requires having tough skin and the knowledge that you'll usually have fewer successes and more missed opportunities. (Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades). However I am choosing which productions interest me enough to audition for with intention rather than auditioning tooth and nail for any and every potential role and being booked back to back. I have a lot of important things going on in my life and I think it's better to be well-rounded, and I'm happier when I'm involved in volunteering and having time for friends and keeping my family life a priority, and then choosing to be in performances when they are meaningful to me. Look at me, finally making steps towards a balanced life! Who would have known ;-)

Value in old cliches!

I apoligize ahead of time for sounding so cliche sometimes, but all the typical old sayings exist because they're true! It seems kind of backwards, but I think it takes real maturity to understand and appreciate the wisdom and value in those simplistic catch-phrase lessons that we hear from the time we're a small child... If life gives you lemons? Make lemon meringue pie! Or lemonade, or flavor your tilapia. Use it to keep other fruit fresh - whatever floats your boat. Just as long as you don't throw it away, because there IS always a silver lining, even if you can't see it right away. You must have faith and trust that things will turn out one way or another as long as you're open to all possibilities and can find fulfillment in more than one narrow path.

Life is so often "Feast or Famine". So the key to being fulfilled is making the most of what you're given... You can be disappointed during the Feast and dwell on what you'll miss out on. You can mope and waste time during the Famine. But EMBRACING the glass-half-full mindset = maturity. I'll take a Win/Lose over a lose/lose any day! Relish the WINS you get, and search for the opportunities in the Losses that life inevitably dumps on you.

I'll always have my grammie and my mom to thank for those wise old sayings. Some people may find them cliche or annoying, but I enjoy that they're a part of me and I find them interesting and humorous.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
It's easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar.
In every grey cloud, there's a sliver lining.
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
A chain is no stronger than its weakest link.
A fool and his money are quickly parted.
Never judge a book by its cover.
Walk a mile in his mocassins.
Easier said than done. Practice what you preach (or A good example is the best sermon).
The pen is mightier than the sword.
A house divided cannot stand. (Abe Lincoln said, quoting the bible).
Misery loves company.
Birds of a feather flock together.
A man who never made a mistake never made anything.
A man who seeks revenge digs two graves.
A penny saved is a penny earned. (Scottish)
A picture is worth a thousand words. (So true for advertising!)

I guess this one sort of sums up my opinion on the worth of wise old sayings:
A proverb is one man's wit and all men's wisdom. - Lord John Russell (1792-1878)