I think that my underlying stress and unrest has been a sign for me that I still have a long way to grow closer still to God. It is time to truly discern God's calling for me and ACT on it!
This week begins a sort of personal retreat for me. Matthew is so amazing because he supports me 100% in this attempt for me to work less hours at Caribou for the next few weeks, mainly during the remainder of rehearsal and then the run of Kingdom Undone, to help me find more personal time for reflection and redirection. I've been stressing myself out about a whole lot of nothing for way too long, and it's time that I make my health (both physical and mental) more of a priority in my life, and that I learn balance. For example, I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't exercised in 2013 yet! And I never have consistent sleep patterns, but it's not just because of starting work at insanely early hours, but also giving my lifeblood to volunteer efforts at the Basilica, and acting and auditioning and everything else before myself....
On Saturday I took notice during our rehearsal for Kingdom Undone of the crowd scene when Jesus heals the sick because I am the sole ensemble character who doesn't quite get the chance to be fully healed by Jesus because the city officials come and put an end to what they perceive as blasphemy and public disturbance... I think this tiny moment of "almost healed" is reflective of my own attitude toward my life and how much pressure I am constantly piling on myself. And so I am praying that this period of restoration, my personal semi-retreat of sorts, will be a process of renewal for me and that God will revive my energy and help me to let go of my habit of storing up stress so that I may find deep rest. I pray that Easter will bring new life for me and that I will close the door on my old lifestyle habits as the show closes for the year.
I'm so fortunate for the opportunity in March to spend more time on me, clearing away a lot of the old cobwebs creeping up in the corners of my life, and stripping away the layers that wear on me and leaving behind the extra baggage that I carry, and to learn to redirect my habits and take better care of myself longterm... These next few weeks are going to be so important for my personal growth, in practicing balance and healthy habits, and taking time to slow down and pray and discern the paths God is calling me to pave for my life!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Ash Wednesday
Well if I could only remember one lesson from last Wednesday, it would be that I can't trust my emotions. Emotions are ever changing and untrustworthy and I must place all my trust in God's ways.
Last Wednesday I had an experience that I'm not proud of. I jumped to conclusions quickly and was defensive and misread the intentions of a friend today... I've been deeply hurt and betrayed by friends in the past, and so I have a bit of a complex where I sometimes assume the worst...
The day was really quite a roller coaster. I went to Ash Wednesday service at the Basilica and was reminded how blessed I am to have such an incredible community at my parish. It feels so much like home when I recognize friendly faces in the pews, several parish friends at the community soup supper after Mass, and even distant acquaintances on my way out of the church. From the first moment I'm walking through those grand front doors, to last moment I'm heading to my car to go home, I'm surrounded by excited, supportive, committed and sincere friends from my parish of all ages and all walks of life. It's truly inspiring!
Then rehearsal for Kingdom Undone was thrilling! It's uncommon for Catholics to dance and jump around on Ash Wednesday, especially as the only one in the room with ashes remaining on their forehead, but I am feeling surprisingly happy and hopeful on this day that reminds us that we cannot escape death and that one day we will return to ashes and dust.
I was left, at the end of the day, with the thought that we are to rejoice and be glad in the present, and to trust in God's promise for us. TODAY is the day that the Lord has made! Let us live it to the fullest!
I am so excited for this Lent and to be growing closer to Jesus and learning more about His teachings and follow His way instead of my own, often negative and inconsistent ways. I am eagerly growing in praise through rehearsals for Kingdom Undone, a Passion play, and growing in prayer through reading the Gospels. This will be an intense Lent for me and I pray that Jesus continue leading me in my faith journey for His greater glory.
Last Wednesday I had an experience that I'm not proud of. I jumped to conclusions quickly and was defensive and misread the intentions of a friend today... I've been deeply hurt and betrayed by friends in the past, and so I have a bit of a complex where I sometimes assume the worst...
The day was really quite a roller coaster. I went to Ash Wednesday service at the Basilica and was reminded how blessed I am to have such an incredible community at my parish. It feels so much like home when I recognize friendly faces in the pews, several parish friends at the community soup supper after Mass, and even distant acquaintances on my way out of the church. From the first moment I'm walking through those grand front doors, to last moment I'm heading to my car to go home, I'm surrounded by excited, supportive, committed and sincere friends from my parish of all ages and all walks of life. It's truly inspiring!
Then rehearsal for Kingdom Undone was thrilling! It's uncommon for Catholics to dance and jump around on Ash Wednesday, especially as the only one in the room with ashes remaining on their forehead, but I am feeling surprisingly happy and hopeful on this day that reminds us that we cannot escape death and that one day we will return to ashes and dust.
I was left, at the end of the day, with the thought that we are to rejoice and be glad in the present, and to trust in God's promise for us. TODAY is the day that the Lord has made! Let us live it to the fullest!
I am so excited for this Lent and to be growing closer to Jesus and learning more about His teachings and follow His way instead of my own, often negative and inconsistent ways. I am eagerly growing in praise through rehearsals for Kingdom Undone, a Passion play, and growing in prayer through reading the Gospels. This will be an intense Lent for me and I pray that Jesus continue leading me in my faith journey for His greater glory.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Restore
I was GIFTED with an awesome rehearsal tonight! I'm so blessed to be in a Passion play during this season of Lent. I'm in the ensemble in Kingdom Undone with Theatre For The Thirsty, and I basically get to pray and reflect as I rehearse for hours a night, 6 days a week, singing, dancing, acting, getting paid and making friends in the theatre?! God's plan is incredible!
Tonight during rehearsal, I became especially sensitive to a bridge in one of the songs where we sing these lyrics: "Come replant, restore, restart, reform, renew, refine, retell, remind, redeem, reclaim, refresh, reshape, revive, rebuild, requite, rewrite." The design of these lyrics reminded me of "Rediscover Catholicism" that I'm currently reading by Matthew Kelly. I've also been listening to a few of his recordings (he's an excellent speaker!) and he calls/encourages/challenges Catholics to be bold, dynamic, authentic, zealous even, in their faith and to dig deeper into the richness and the genius of God's bride, the Church.
... And during rehearsal, as we were repeating the lyrics to solidify the notes, a notion entered into my head that in some ways the lessons in "Rediscover Catholicism" have the potential to mirror Jesus' change in humanity and in history!
There are over 1.2 BILLION Catholics in the world today. It's striking, no, AWE-inspiring, wait, BREATHTAKING to imagine what amazing work we could allow God to do through us. What if we awaken this sleeping giant in our society and follow the examples of the apostles and the disciples of the early church and the saints throughout to become rebels (in the way Jesus was a rebel) and reject the ways of our modern, hedonistic culture?
I pray that we may open our hearts and minds to how Jesus restored his people and to how He is working to restore our lives and the Catholic church today!
Tonight during rehearsal, I became especially sensitive to a bridge in one of the songs where we sing these lyrics: "Come replant, restore, restart, reform, renew, refine, retell, remind, redeem, reclaim, refresh, reshape, revive, rebuild, requite, rewrite." The design of these lyrics reminded me of "Rediscover Catholicism" that I'm currently reading by Matthew Kelly. I've also been listening to a few of his recordings (he's an excellent speaker!) and he calls/encourages/challenges Catholics to be bold, dynamic, authentic, zealous even, in their faith and to dig deeper into the richness and the genius of God's bride, the Church.
... And during rehearsal, as we were repeating the lyrics to solidify the notes, a notion entered into my head that in some ways the lessons in "Rediscover Catholicism" have the potential to mirror Jesus' change in humanity and in history!
There are over 1.2 BILLION Catholics in the world today. It's striking, no, AWE-inspiring, wait, BREATHTAKING to imagine what amazing work we could allow God to do through us. What if we awaken this sleeping giant in our society and follow the examples of the apostles and the disciples of the early church and the saints throughout to become rebels (in the way Jesus was a rebel) and reject the ways of our modern, hedonistic culture?
I pray that we may open our hearts and minds to how Jesus restored his people and to how He is working to restore our lives and the Catholic church today!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)